When we sent in our letter of intent, I purchased two bottles of rose bubbly: one for us parents, one for the kids. I thought that any day we would bust it open to celebrate our referral and our impending trip to Europe to meet our daughter.
It’s been fifteen days… who is counting, though, right?
Except *I* am counting. Basically every single moment of every single hour of every single day and night. I can’t pretend that I don’t know that parents change their minds and that “sure-things” turn into “no” and that files disappear from offices and that countries close to adoptions, and a million other scenarios that I imagine and try to brace myself for.
This time, the wait is excruciating. Because this time, my heart is all in and it’s scared.
I am trying to be intentional in our wait, but I’ve been doing that for four years and my optimism is exhausted. Yesterday I was convinced my email is broken (ha… sorry friends who I told repeatedly that my email was broken. Thanks for walking this with your crazy girl) and I forced myself to sit on my steps and focus. I dropped my daughter off for her senior cap and gown pictures in the morning, then headed to middle school orientation, then home to work my dream job and then hold my baby while he slept because he didnt’ feel well. Then I had a date with my munchkin for cheesecake becaause she had written on the calendar that National Cheesecake day was “July 33rd” so we decided that meant the 31st and she was so excited to have cheesecake for dinner. I walked in the door from band pick up and cheesecake purchasing to my husband home from work, a kiss, a family dinner, a dog who seems okay despite eating a wishbone. My point is this: I don’t need to wait for awesome news to celebrate. We have so much to celebrate already and I need to not let that pass me by as I check my email.
So we opened the champagne. For no reason except it was Tuesday and we are in love. In these last two weeks of Summer vacation, I am going to remind myself of this. There is always something to celebrate.