When we returned from Europe, I sat down and went through our agency’s “B adoption guide” or ‘BAG’ page by page and made a list of the next steps. These steps are not self explanatory because they have weird names like “article 5” and seemingly arbitrary time lines, so I wanted to be sure that I didn’t get ahead of myself with excitement only to find I didn’t know about a step.
While in Europe, it was really easy to hope, with the heft of our baby still in our arms. And hope, we did… we hoped with everything in us that we could have our Rosie girl in our arms for Christmas and it seemed possible. Once I came home and went through the BAG, and USCIS approval spilled into weeks, it began to seem obvious that it would be a very tight margin of possibility, and most likely we could only hope for January.
I could not let go of hope, though. And I tried, you guys. I could see clearly that I needed to accept God’s plan here and not set myself (and the family) up for sadness. Two families who traveled quite a bit before us received court dates in the last ten days for the end of November, with a likely pick up trip late January. Logically, that would put our court date at at least the end of December, but with holidays it would more likely January. I talked myself into understanding this, but the other day holiday pajamas were on zulily and before I even knew what I had done, I had ordered a pair for Rosie.
Hope is a powerful drug, so I continue to check my email many times a day. Yesterday I was chatting with my sweet friend and opened another window to check email. I started shaking when I saw the subject “court date!!!”
“OMG, L,” I said… “WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!”
Y’all, I could not even open it to see when the dates were. My friend was like “well?!?!?!”
I opened it with shaking hands and started literally screaming. The last line did me in… “In less than two weeks, she will officially be your daughter.”
There is no rhyme or reason that can be discerned from this side of the ocean as to how court dates and judges are assigned. My heart physically hurts that it feels like we skipped ahead in line, even though I know that probably isn’t the case. I am heavy with sadness that my friends kiddos won’t be around their tables for the holidays. Those feelings, though, are separate from the ridiculous and profound JOY and gratitude that I feel that, if everything moves smoothly, our little one should be here in her Christmas jammies with her family. I can barely function. I cried so many tears of thanksgiving yesterday and just repeated over and over “thank you, God. Thank you. Thank you SO MUCH LORD.”
We expect to travel early/mid December and land back in DC just in time for Santa. We will celebrate two babies this year… the one in the manger and the one He sent us.
Yesterday was a very, very good day.