Doing what we can

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You know you can’t save them all, right?

We know. We are just doing what we can.

You know your kids may grow up resenting that you did this, right?

We know. We are all just doing what we can.

You know that child’s parents will get them back and they will forget you even existed, right?

We know. We are just doing what we can. 

You know that if you keep spending all of that money on international adoption you will never be able to retire, right?

We know. We are just doing what we can.

You know she will never leave, right?

We know. We are just doing what we can.

You know there are so many more than what you can take, right?

We know. We are just doing what we can.

Don’t you think you have enough kids? You can’t possibly give them all enough of what they need…

We know. We are just doing what we can.

You guys are amazing!

We aren’t. We are just doing what we can. 

One day I want to adopt.

In the meantime, do what you can. Don’t wait. 

 

When people hear about how our family is made, I know what they will say before they do. They want to list the reasons it’s a bad idea, so they can reassure themselves that they don’t need to roll up their sleeves, too. It’s a lot easier to value life on a political platform than it is to value it when you know their names and their stories and deal with their anger and their trauma and you find that it’s messy and brutal and unending, helping a child heal. When they aren’t cute, healthy babies but angry, hurting teenagers or toddlers with irreperable pain that will keep you both awake at night. It’s a lot easier to preach an ideaology than it is to love someone who can’t be fixed by your love, to love them anyway, messily, clumsily. It’s a lot easier to dismiss me as judgmental or popmpous than it is to see that I know that I can’t help them all, and that haunts me…that my endless soapboxing isn’t because I believe I am great and want you to know it, too, but a plea to see that the stars will never align. Stepping into brokenness is never, ever going to feel right. It will never not break you, too. Waiting for that time to arrive means that it never will, but these kids? They don’t have the luxury of waiting for their worlds to fall apart. Their worlds will fall apart whether we are there to scoop up the pieces or not. No child should face that alone.

Not everyone is called to adopt or foster, but absolutely everyone can do something for these kids and for the families that say yes, knowing that yes is going to be hard and hurt.

 

Do what you can.

 

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