In the adoption community, particularly the special needs adoption community, there is often a handful of people who encourage families to step out in faith and God will provide every cent of their adoption funding.
Quite frankly, I’ve always thought they were idiots.
When we started Rosie’s adoption we had about $8000 saved to begin, received a couple of generous gifts and borrowed the remainder from our retirement. I had spent years working my fingers to the bone for an adoption that never happened, and I needed healing rest. I’ve been the voice of reason in these circles, always saying that I would *never* just leap because at the other end of that free fall is a child who’s literal life is depending on your “yes” and if you can’t make it happen, you’ve tied up their file for months, they’ve aged or become more sickly, and sometimes when they lose their “cute” they stop getting inquiries. Sometimes the rash decision to leap means death.
We all know what happens when I cry “never” though. I end up doing it.
God pushed Brian and I so hard to begin this adoption, and once our yes was answered it became a fast moving current. We carefully discussed a time line, and carefully discussed that it was firm. We would take this year to save our pennies, over the summer we would start a slow home study, we would absolutely not commit to a waiting child because we were absolutely not prepared to move quickly. We would send our dossier over in maybe December, and bring home a child in summer, 2021.
I think my husband would be real mad, big mad, at me right now if he thought that in typical Stephanie fashion I pushed the agreed upon boundaries out of my way, but I think he sees my genuine shock at how this is all unfolding.
Less than one month ago, I sat on a beach in the Carribean explaining why I absolutely would not commit to a waiting child and how we were super firm in our time frame.
A week later, a rumor of a child.
A week later, we sent in commitment documents, expedited our home study, and are at a faster pace than we were for Rosie, who we committed to on New Year’s Eve and brought home the following December. Our home study is nearing completion, our immigration papers ready to go as soon as it is, a folder full of cute stuff for his room for the lull between trips. How? I ask myself one million times per day. HOW did this happen?
And did I mention that we had ZERO dollars and ZERO cents saved and no avenues for a back up plan? Right where God wanted us, I believe. Also, right where I said I would *never* be. Ha. Seems to be a common thread in my life, so maybe this time I will learn that faith is a lot like a free fall and it’s scary, but exhilirating, too. Jump, Stephanie. Jump.
Which brings me to circling back to my original point. I have noticed that people’s adoptions are funded in a million ways, and in talking with a friend the other evening, it brought me to tears that I couldn’t shake. Her adoption was largely funded by an incredibly generous donation (and to be clear: girl works her fanny off, too, and her family is SO deserving) and mine is being funded by generous donations and a lot of small dollars floating in miraculously combining into a total in our savings that is rocking my world, strengthening my faith, enveloping me in love and support. Her large donation said “I see you, you are loved, I believe in this cause.” Mine? It says the same thing. She needed heaven to speak truth to her in a very loud, undeniable way. I needed the same. Some would think one of our miracles was easier than another, but I staunchly disagree. I’d say that they are custom tailored to what we needed to know, hear, accept that He was with us on the confused, stumbling walk down a path He sent us down with no map. I love her story, and I also really love mine. Every day that I pack up item after item, $20 here, $40 there, I am reminded that we are a part of something bigger in this world. I am someone so hungry for community, that God is showing me EVERY DAY the village that we have in our corner. I NEED THAT. She was so hungry for a sign that was crystal clear and someone giving you a check for that substantial a sum of money? Pretty dang clear.
I guess that my point is we need to be wise. We need to use discretion and discernment. But also? God is WAY FREAKY, dude and the best part is when you are working hard in the lane that He set you in, you will feel a spiritual fist bump with your friends doing the same and you will not covet their gifts or deny your own because you will see with clarity that He is in both stories, loud and clear.
I hesitate to even tell you where we are with the monies, but y’all are watching an amazing story unfold every day and I am watching right along side you going “WTF is even happening here?!”
Cautiously. Maybe with a back up plan.
Just kidding, God…