In the morning

Last night I was painfully, acutely aware of the magnitude of these dark hours. When the sun rose, it would be afternoon in Eastern Europe. A judge would sit at their bench and review our file, our little one’s file, and it would be up to them to decide if we could call her “daughter.”…

Ten days until forever!

When we returned from Europe, I sat down and went through our agency’s “B adoption guide” or ‘BAG’ page by page and made a list of the next steps.  These steps are not self explanatory because they have weird names like “article 5” and seemingly arbitrary time lines, so I wanted to be sure that…

Adoption update

All day, every day a few things happen. 1: I check my email 2: I miss my baby 3: people ask “What’s the latest?” How lucky are we, you guys? Our village is so, so invested in this little, precious, magical girl. I am beside myself when I think of the joy she will bring…

This skin

Recently a friend was telling me what a great candidate I am for botox. I smiled and said “yes, I know.” And I do know, because ten years ago, I heard the same words from a local plastic surgeon, right before he injected it into my face. What made me a great candidate, though, has…

Four weeks

We have been home four weeks, and are settling back into a new normal. The old normal was wondering what it would be like to see her face for the first time, and the new normal is knowing she is missing in our every day. The old normal was holding our breaths in fear that…

1580 days

Today is day 1,580 since we agreed to adopt. Since arriving home from holding our little one, I have been feeling overwhelmed facing 120+ days without her, but I realized today that I was looking in the wrong direction. How can 120 days feel so hard when over a thousand are already behind me? How…

Coffee crying, rebel hearts & surrender

{totally nonsensical image, but this struggle-wagon-cry-baby is awfully glad she has superheroes to get her through the wait!) For most of my life, I’ve held a tiny piece of my heart as mine. I was acutely aware from a very young age that some people who shared some of my experiences became hard from their…